Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
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