Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
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Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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