The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
