my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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