There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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