I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
