did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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