jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
