Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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