New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
