Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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