fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
did i just pee glitter
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize