I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
