for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
