There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
