The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Threesome in a minivan. New low
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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