I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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