ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
