You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
