Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
