4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
