I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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