I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize