Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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