i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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