theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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