my phone needs a breathalizer
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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