Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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