Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This baby is an asshole
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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