I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
