We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
