After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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