You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
