we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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