Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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