Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
