Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
