Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I would fuck him just for his dog
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog