so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.