She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.