My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins