Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
