I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.