i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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