I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
