He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
