Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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