Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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