I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My nipple is on Facebook.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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