Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
