too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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