I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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