Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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