I want to have your abortion
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
