There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
