From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
