Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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