After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
