i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
