Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
