I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
