you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize