Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
