I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
